I can. According to Jewish law, and a class I attended a bunch of years ago, it is "the manner in which a young girl or woman behaves, to know that she is separate but equal, and that her manner should be with a quiet dignity." 28 words. In Hebrew, there is just one. It is an all-encompassing word that umbrellas over everything from the color nail polish deemed appropriate to how flashy a car, suit or social engagement is. It dictates the colors I wear, the length of the skirt, the length of the sleeves, the placement of my neckline, and most importantly, my behavior.
Those of you who know me, I mean really know me, not follow me on twitter or facebook, know that I do strive to live this life. In my personal life, I do live like this. It affords me a dignity. The clothes I wear might be casual, but never could be called trashy. My style of clothes is more of the "eclectic classic" style. Tailored clothes, never out of style, but always with a dignity. My professional life is more of the same. I am a superb "right hand man". But I do not do well in the spotlight. I freeze when I have attention called to me. I have an aversion to being called out from the shadows; for it is there I am more comfortable. This is no way means that I am a silent, meek little dear. No. I do what I need to do. Whether that means running dinners with very part time help, handling mass mailings in short periods of time, baking thousands of hamantashen in 4 days while working full time. It all gets done.
To live a modest life according to Jewish law is a vague concept. That it is a law, there is no question. There also are no guidelines. There are very black and white areas of this, and there are grey areas of it. And most of it is grey. To me, this issue of modesty is as much law as it is mindset. In my society, a woman has a role of unquestionable power and control. It is she who has the final say in how the children are raised and the schools in which they go. Her home is her castle and for all the man's ruling outside the house, home is where the woman is. And this is not a demeaning or insulting comment. To be a Jewish woman is, to me anyway, the opportunity to live life with a quiet dignity that today's women in society do not have. Women today feel the need to make noise, make a point, take a stand, and be noticed. Either in the walk, talk, dress, or speech, they are trying to be noticed...by the boss, the guy down the bar, the girl sitting next to you on the train. There is a competition in general society that does not exist for me. I will admit that I was a little more careful about things when I was working in Manhattan. When I started working locally, all of a sudden I wasn't the odd one out. I'm slightly more lax now. I will wear a hat as often as I will wear hair.
Those of you who know me, I mean really know me, not follow me on twitter or facebook, know that I do strive to live this life. In my personal life, I do live like this. It affords me a dignity. The clothes I wear might be casual, but never could be called trashy. My style of clothes is more of the "eclectic classic" style. Tailored clothes, never out of style, but always with a dignity. My professional life is more of the same. I am a superb "right hand man". But I do not do well in the spotlight. I freeze when I have attention called to me. I have an aversion to being called out from the shadows; for it is there I am more comfortable. This is no way means that I am a silent, meek little dear. No. I do what I need to do. Whether that means running dinners with very part time help, handling mass mailings in short periods of time, baking thousands of hamantashen in 4 days while working full time. It all gets done.
To live a modest life according to Jewish law is a vague concept. That it is a law, there is no question. There also are no guidelines. There are very black and white areas of this, and there are grey areas of it. And most of it is grey. To me, this issue of modesty is as much law as it is mindset. In my society, a woman has a role of unquestionable power and control. It is she who has the final say in how the children are raised and the schools in which they go. Her home is her castle and for all the man's ruling outside the house, home is where the woman is. And this is not a demeaning or insulting comment. To be a Jewish woman is, to me anyway, the opportunity to live life with a quiet dignity that today's women in society do not have. Women today feel the need to make noise, make a point, take a stand, and be noticed. Either in the walk, talk, dress, or speech, they are trying to be noticed...by the boss, the guy down the bar, the girl sitting next to you on the train. There is a competition in general society that does not exist for me. I will admit that I was a little more careful about things when I was working in Manhattan. When I started working locally, all of a sudden I wasn't the odd one out. I'm slightly more lax now. I will wear a hat as often as I will wear hair.
To be honest, I am rambling. I firmly believe that modesty is a mindset as much as a law. It’s the mindset that is with you when you go shopping or go for the manicure. The law is there at other times, but the mindset is always there. I believe that even if something starts out with the wrong motivation, eventually the proper motivation will come and it will all fit into place. This is what dictates how I teach my daughter to be a modest young lady. That this concept of modesty is always there. Even when no one is looking and no one is watching.
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